How many diseases does the W. 4th Platform have???

As I was meandering to work today at the W. 4th station, the station I always get off to go to work, I took an alternative route up the escalator on the uptown side instead of the stairs on the Downtown side.

This was my lucky day...Not only were there crowds and crowds of people but next to the Hudson newsesque stand was a man being arrested. So what you say, this is NY, people get arrested all the time.

What with it being morning and all I was sure to see some crack- i.e. the crack of early light, the cracks in the sidewalk, the cracks in the ceiling of the station, but one crack I was not interested in nor anticipated seeing was the crack of the half-nude man getting arrested. This was a crack that even Whitney Houston would call whack. The poor man was slammed on the ground with his ass hanging out and his privates smashed on the platform, bearing it all for everyone to see.

Of course, I needed to get around this debacle, but the other side was blocked with on-lookers, so i sucked it up and walked within 1 foot of the bare ass staring at me from the station floor. Everyone around was so calm, just checking out this naked man's ass as the police cuffed him for reasons unbenownst to me. I just continued walking, grinned a little, and said shit, NY sure is entertaining.

Then I started thinking, that poor man may contract a few diseases, more than the usual he most likely already had. But would the police pay for his doctor visit after the crabs started building their home in his pubic hair? Would they help him salve his wounds? Does NY not care about the filthy station ground they slammed his manhood into???

What is the world coming to when there aren't toilet seat like covers being placed on the ground in police arrests? We need to have some general concern about our criminals private areas, after all, they too just want some babies in this overpopulated world. VHEMT!

So I tried to find a picture of a naked man in the subway, but suprisingly they are tough to find. So i then tried to look for anything about the filth in the subway and just came across this nifty little site

http://www.filthymess.com/

And you can enjoy NY's filth for yourself. No, Divine will not be on this list either, sorry.

Moral: Wear a cod piece, that way your genitals won't ever touch the subway floor.

Evey is on the prowl

Today I rode the Manhattan bound R train in Brooklyn like any other day. The standard smelly old man half asleep on the seat next to me and the overly obese woman shoving powdered donuts down her pie hole, accompanied me on my way.

What was prominent, however, was the well dressed woman scribbling writing on the light that is overhead the train door.

Usually people wait to graffiti at wee hours in the morning so they can get their gang tag on without interference or some obscure reference that the rest of the world probably won't get. There is the notorious 'Neck Face' tag that I see over the Manhattan bridge on the Brooklyn side and the Obey Giant stickers that are plastered all over the place to show Shepard Fairy's commingling with New Yorkers.

What was not standard was what she was writing. It wasn't a tag or her name, or Bobby hearts Jane but information about a governmental project.

Was this a whistleblower in my presence? Had she seen V for Vendetta or Thank you for Not Smoking?

Let me just spill the beans here. This is what she wrote:



Project Monarch
The raping of women and children under the pretence of mind controlling experimentation

Your children being implanted into pre-K classrooms

radiation/microwave
gang stalking for those who don't agree

So...I did some scouting around the Internet and found this

http://www.outpost-of-freedom.com/operatio.htm

Even though it may be a biased piece it still doesn't mean it isn't something we need to be conscious of

http://www.mindcontrolforums.com/hambone/monarch2.html

This one is a bit radical but you be the judge


The government is being naughty again.

Send the Amish to New Orleans

As a recovering Pennsylvania resident I am quite familiar with the raising of roofs done by the Amish and Menonite communities. Yes, you're thinking, PA is only made up of two cities on each side and a vast vast wasteland in between, well, you're semi correct but also very naive. I do, however, feel as though you could drop PA below the Mason-Dixon line and the adjustments would be minimal. The sheer difference though, is that while many New Yorkers believe that people outside of NY are all hicks, this is not the case. People choose to be hicks, I did not choose to be a hick.

Regardless, the Amish and Menonites make awesome ass pies and they have a shitload of organically grown produce that would rock Whole Foods any day. Suck that! Not the point.

The point is, the fact that all these people just dropped what they were doing and migrated to this house that was just hit by a hurricane, rebuilt it, and were done within less than a day is effin amazing. Does this not give head to the fact that perhaps antiquated lifestyles are still flourishing with strong-knit communities? And im not talking about the communities you see on Extreme Makeover Home Edition, because, let's be honest, they may just be paid extras.

Job Description: Extra on Makeover show
Part: Happy neighbors in small town looking to make unknown families lives better
Requirements: Must wear ugly blue or red shirt with show logo on it, must be able to jump up and down and scream "Move that Bus" on command, and last but not least, must be able to pretend as though you really do care about someone getting an enormous house and that you are going to return home to your hole in the wall, rat infested, heap of living quarters.

Additional note: You must be ok with crying

Here is my advice: Round up all the Amish people, send them to New Orleans, throw in some bowling, a kid witnessing a murder, a fat actress and a recovering coke addict who incessentaly plays santa-tranformation movies, and Ty smith and voilà! You have a newly built city and everyone wins because houses are built and the boundaries between Amish and non-Amish will be broken and Hollywood will no longer make shitty movies about their culture that is completely irrelevant and most likely more innacurate than kids shooting their friends after they smoked a joint.

Can you guess how many pop culture references were made? Who cares.

Moral: Electricity and automobiles are so overrated

Shari Lewis back from the dead

This just in: The Ether is smeared across the Wool!



As seen here

the N. Carolina robber was so devestated by the absense of Lamb Chops since the demise of Shari Lewis that he could not bare the pain bellowing deep within his underbelly, so he robbed a bank with socks on his hands commemorating the good-spirited lamb, formally known as an ewe.

What this further reminds me is the names of sidekicks in children's programming and how uncreative the people producing the characters are

Example: Lamb Chops Play-A-Long: Charlie Horse and Hush Puppy

You might as well be saying violin strings, glue, and shoes.

Muppets: Miss Piggy, Kermit the frog, Fozzie Bear, and Rowlf this is so far-fetched they had to conceal the direct name-to-species correlation by evening things out with , Gonzo (could this be in reference to Hunter S. Thompson?), Animal (gee this is a hard connection) and Scooter.

Then are more humorous names that seem to be linked to historical icons (in no way relative to actual historical figures)

Srgt. Floyd Pepper, Guy Smiley, and Dr. Teeth whom i believe is an homage to Dr. Hook (get your eye patches ready kids)

And lest we forget....the singing donut aka DONUT MAN who apparently has no qualms about revealing to kids that he really is a real person and not just a hand up a puppets ass.

These are all just examples of life imitating art, of course pigs are in love with frogs, Sheep can sing, and donuts can teach you lessons about God. Long live the king!

ANd just in case you are jonesin for some muppet love yourself you can pick up these:

And because i just heart Bruce Campbell, and if youre on a action figure buying spree get this:

Frequent Flyer miles have new meaning

It is a sad day when the country is in debt from credit cards. It is an even sadder day when the country is in debt from credit cards but have the most fabulous pair of breasts.

You too can get your very own free boob job just by signing up for the credit card- Plastic Assets.

"Hey mom, I've just graduated High School, I'm ready to take on the world, now all I need is to establish some credit to get me on my way and some killer boobs to make bargaining easier."

And and and, for every friend you refer you get FREE LIP INJECTIONS. Holy shit, life cant be this great. Now you can lusciously invite all your investors over to check our your credit card rewards. Pissing your parents money away couldn't be any easier.

Please find the card that is most applicable to you:
(as indicated by the website:)

The application includes questions such as what is your current cup size as well as desired cup size and then asks you to categorize your breast shape from the following options:
Round, Teardrop, or Crescent

What the hell is a crescent boob? One that is only partially on in the shape of the moon???? Those are some sad looking boobs.

You can earn 'FeelGoodPoint' instead of turning in your 1 point for everyone $1000 you spend on crappy plastic things that should make you feel special inside you can with the Plastic Assets card redeem surgeries, neverending fun for everyone! AND YOU CAN EARN REWARDS FOR KEEPING YOUR GPA UP! Crack open those books, you're on your way to a new nose, some lipo, and an extra set of breast, just in case your first set falls off or turns into crescent moons.

Testimonial:

Every father knows his daughter well enough to know she needs PLASTIC ASSETS!

Don't just sit there get your plastic assets now and you're on your way to elevated success on and off the street. (whatever you want it to mean)

Plastic Assets: Your new implants may/may not contain shards of unused plastic assets cards- be one with your credit!