So the rat tail wasn't the worst thing some kid could do

Let me just check over a few things....This is the OT years, we are no longer trapped in the 80s/early 90s which was just the hung over eighties throwing up, right? Ok. So why the hell are kids still shaving hideous things in their heads?

I honestly do not care for this return to the 80s. It was a sad time for fashion and trends and everything in between. Who knew that buying every color spandex possibly ever made and destroying the ozone layer with multiple cans of aerosol hairspray could relive themselves.

I understand a few years the crappy 16-25yr old generation(s) decided shit, our childhood was that good we should relive it, even though we just grew out of it. Care Bears shirts were floating all over the place, Full house made a comeback. But there were some downsides:

1. Ravers
2. Step by step returning
3. a whole new generation of kids sadly being introduced to Urkel

Now...in '06 mods and emo kids aren't to blame but its the hipsters that are ruining it for the rest of us. Leggings, spandex, hi-tops, roos, and now....shapes shaved in haircuts.

I don't care the kid was suspended from school, in fact, they should isolate any kid that thinks its trendy to shave anything in their hair.

Lets reminisce:

Did Rob Van Winkle teach us nothing? And according to the artist formally known as know one gives a shit.. he only did it to support his family. Did the record execs put the razor to your head instead of the gun???


Not to mention this jackass who then again recently revived the cut.



This guy just deserves to be shot.. I thought shaving shapes in your skull was bad enough but he had the gull to go ahead and make a shape, not to mention a pansy heart, into his under the chin hair- it is a sad day when you're that bored.



There are more pictures out there of crappy haircuts but we all remember them...Let's keep them in the past not in the present or future. The 80s are slowly creeping back in mainstream anyway, do we need another repeat of 'The Fisher King' to remind us?










And cause I know you just can't pass an accident without rubber necking it I've included this precious picture for your viewing (dis)pleasure.




Just remember: You can call yourself a victim but you reveled in it for so long!





Moral: beat up any kid you see on the street with any of the above haircuts

LISTEN UP MOFOS

My dear friend Zoë is having a gallery show on March 7th go there or bad things will happen.
You can visit her website from the title link or by going to www.balloonmanproductions.com It will totally we worth your while.

Moral: Support your local artist

I had a little bird, her name was Enza, I opened up the window, and in flew Enza

De plague, de plague!

Somewhere in some far off distant place known as Seattle people are hanging out, conferencing, chit-chatting, putting back a few open bar coctails and discussing what to do in the event that the Avian Bird Flu spreads to the U.S. of A. and decides, 6-more weeks of PLAGUE! Result: Lots and lots of corpses with nowhere to go, thus said meeting was scheduled to discuss what to do with all the dead people.

All these comrades of the medical community, task forces, NRA members, etc. are joining forces to horde and stock-pile medical supplies, rubber gloves, face masks, guns, vagabonds, etc. in the event the flu hangs out for awhile, much like that guy with the weird smell who never leaves until 3 am.

But, for once, they have decided that the government should clue the running around aimlessly with arms flailing in the air general population, even giving a few tips on the way. i.e. why you shouldnt bury the dead bodies too close to your septic system for fear of contamination. Note: Dear axe-murderer, do not let this information limit the places you can bury you bodies, the goverment is just concerned about your general health

This suprisingly sounds vaguely reminscient of the Duct tape can save your life against everything including tornadoes, snake bites, antrax, and your average door-to-door salesman, free for all a few years back.

And don't forget the gas-mask shortage of '01 when people were buying gas masks normally used as stage props in order to fullfill their 'government made me paranoid' quota. Last I heard gas masks for animals were due to hit the runway 2008.




Do you remember these simple tips for living: Duck and cover, head between knees, room without windows, praying, duct tape plastic tubes throughout your entire house



This could be you

So, in the event that you are prepared I have included (ripped off from someones website) this illustration for steps to take in the event that there is a nuclear blast.

Step 1: Where did step 1 go?

Step 2: Get out of the area (Whoa, intense. Thank god for these directions, I would have been clueless)

Step 3: Find a buiding that your average human size is 3x the height in which you cannot even get your head through the door without ducking and where you can see out the third story window while standing in the lobby

Note about note: According to anonymous Nuclear specialists dont bother looking for out of proportion buildings if you are in a three-quarter mile radios of said blast, you will be dead- close eyes and think of bunnies (bunnies that win you shiney metal objects)


As a last note about panic situations I have included this lovely map for your quick glances:


I was quite unaware of this map. Were you? Thank you government. But rest assured, the plague apparently only resides on the West coast. So keep your California tree hugging, warm weather hogging, sisters, mothers, brother in-laws third cousin twice removed from his grave by his mother's best friends cousins dermatologist on the West coast. We (East coast) don't want to share the plague just quite yet.



Moral: Update plague chart, 1998 is so last century

Who remembers Billy's funeral? I DO I DO!

New picture taking cell phone thing-a-ma-gig strikes trend in Japan to take pictures of DEAD PEOPLE! You think: a) bizarre b) creepy c) sentimental or d) did they just breathe?


http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/newsArticle.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=2006-02-16T094721Z_01_T50246_RTRIDST_0_OUKOE-UK-JAPAN-FUNERAL.XML&archived=False



More Funs things to do at funerals/graveyards/etc.

If you are not familiar with Spanish customs regarding dead relatives then you are missing out on the celebration of El Dia De Los Muertos, translated: The day of the dead, better known to uncultured Americans as November 2nd. On El Dia de los Muertos relatives of the dead venture to the gravesite of their elders and pay homage to them by singing them songs, cooking them their favorite foods, creating a shrine of their favorite things and just talking to them as seen here:



You can also make skulls out of sugar and make little skeletons that pop out of cardboard caskets- LOADS OF FUN!

Apparently not everyone got the "Note: Food bought off the internet is not recommended for eating"

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/story?id=1619126&page=1

I understand that wherever there is a loophole people are going to exploit it. I understand the countless books about getting rich quick, and easy ways to earn a buck, are selling, somewhere. People are crafty, but sad. This just proves how sad they really are.

The government issued 'TV dinner style' food for Katrina victims has been found for auction on my friend, eBay's website. Who in their right mind thinks that selling food on eBay is a good idea, let alone rations for victims of a hurricane?

Dear Americans, you endlessly disappoint and surprise me with your pathetic ways of trying to stick it to the man and put some cash in your pockets.
Love, apathy.

We must not forget the ambitious souls bidding on said auctions, have their membranes been degraded to mush as well? Can you not walk on down to your local stop & shop to get yourself a considerably cheaper, less mold infested, Tv dinner, or is it the government's stamp of approval or select choice of corn, potatoes, chicken, and cranberry sauce so reminiscent of Thanksgiving that you are salivating all over your computer screen at the shrink wrapped photo?

But the sand is the hourglass has not depleted yet....the plot thickens. Military personnel are selling the rations as well. Holy crap, the man who works for the man is exploiting the man- can this be qualified as a pseudo tribute to Marx's bourgeoisie? No. Nice try, but the communist manifesto does not include the likes of eBay in it's ploy to overthrow the oppressive government. Lenin, you can return to your grave, dissapointed.

Moral: Do not buy food off eBay, no matter how lip-smackin delicious it seems to be, you better Bo-lieve it.

Subsection moral: Oh and don't sell food meant for Katrina victims- tisk, tisk.

Someone get me a stick of butter and some cooking lessons

Once again, eBay, my beloved savior, has not let me down. Or more accurately, the ambitious entrepreneurs trying to sell their crap on eBay haven't.

Pancake crap

Much like my previous post about religious food now someone is claiming good ole Beezlebub is hanging out in their badly executed poor excuse for what looks like a pancake beaten with a spatula by Baby Sinclair reciting "not the mama' over and over again. (breathe)

Said pancake also received a "Note: Food bought off the internet is not recommended for eating" Gee, I was a little confused as to whether it was suitable to ingest Satan or just a crummy pancake in the first place OFF THE INTERNET, but now, thanks to informative eBay lister I can once again peruse eBay knowing what I can and cannot consume.

Where is GoldenPalace.com to up the bid from $21.00 to $5MM?
Maybe even casinos that pay people for headvertising (look it up slacker) have standards- or they might just be in the dark; shivering and ripping their hair out from all the money they pissed away on useless crap that the janitor mistakenly ate (He apparently was not privy to the aforementioned foods on eBay consumption note). Where is the liberal media when we need them.


Lesson: If you have marketing skills use them for something of value, not this poor excuse for religious tripe.

This just in...Columbus just pseudonym for lots of people i.e. Shakespeare

Extra! Extra!


What is this thing we call Earth? How much can we really trust that we are in fact, circling the sun? Why can't the sun revolve around the Earth? It's always about Earth. Earth, Earth, Earth (earth is the new jan brady)

Regardless of Earth's superego maybe you too can earn quick cash, easy money, free free free. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! (No this does not involve any Monster trucks)

It appears as though some wacky religious group, which one you say, does it matter? has decided that they will hand over $1K to anyone who can truly prove the earth does indeed revolve around the sun.

Much like pre-earth-is- round days,
we were all a bit skeptical. How the bloody hell is someone supposed to prove to these people that the Earth does what we say it does? How can we be really sure that the earth's rotation around the sun wasn't simply a theatrical performance held at Area 51? Who are these scientists anyway? Big question here ---> What else should they be questioning about their beliefs????? (no brainer)


Who is this guy ^ and is that a
velvet painting?


Lesson: Time flies when you're sailing off a flat earth

Applying this theory to children wins you the biggest prize

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/07022006/356/proud-owner-saves-giant-rabbit-pot.html

Premise outline:

I.Man breeds bunny

a. his credit continues as he places a male and female together to mate (interesting breeding technique)

II. Bunny wins show(?)

III.Man gets shiney metal

IV. Puts shiney metal on bunny

V. Takes shiney metal off bunny and realizes he deserves it more

VI. Man looks at bunny and says mmm tastey plump morsel

a. ::man salivates::

VII. Man is so freaking thrilled that bunny won him shiney metal object he decides that he should not eat his shiney metal object winning bunny

VIII. Man spares bunny from pot, lets bunny bask in the glory of the shiney metal object

Lesson: Insert the word [child] whereever bunny is and only spare them if they win shiney metal objects

Moral: Kids who dont win should be eaten

For further information please consult: 'A Modest Proposal'-Jonathan Swift

Could eBay have intervened?

http://www.couriermail.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5936,18004968%255E1702,00.html

Hola,

So...hear any good cult stories recently? It was about due; especially with all those re-runs of 'The Craft' on TV. Do you think they did the cast justice in dubbing their voices in Italian? <--Not the point -->The point: Perhaps if such and such thought the lady with the face was "the" virgin mary, he would have had better luck selling her on eBay

or offering a suggested retail price to Goldenpalace.com (whom apparently has nothing better to do than brand itself the casino based Jesus paraphernalia blow you life savings and get a crummy t-shirt one stop shopping Hubble.)

Next time kids, try not to make your messes so gruesome, follow in the footsteps of Jim Jones: take your cult members to another country, dump them in the woods, make a socialist community (that the government ultimately fears), and get yourself some vats of flavor-aid (not kool-aid) laced with cyanide and that is how you have a ritual sacrifice. Jeez, didn't you ever have "history will repeat itself"
hammered in your head as a child? Oh wait, you were using the hammer for something else-gotcha.


Lesson: eBay can solve anything

What the crap

http://rollcall.com/issues/1_1/breakingnews/12015-1.html

Ok, seriously, what part of 'there is something wrong with our government' does this article not infer.

Ha ha, lets have a replay, maybe this time we won't have the janitorial staff pretend to be members of the House right.

God bless the U.S. of Asinine

Its time for the BLAME GAME!

So, this kid wrote an essay about his 'Perfect Day'. How novice, you think. Wrong. His perfect day includes killing Oprah and George W. as well as harming Wal-mart and Coca-cola conglomerates and a Walgreens pharmacy (presumably so that the former hurt individuals cannot get their live saving prescription drugs filled).

http://www.boston.com/news/local/rhode_island/articles/2006/02/02/secret_service_investigates_violent_essay_by_seventh_grader/

Interestingly enough I am very eager to find out how mediacised (if this is not a word it is now) this becomes. Especially considering it would be all too easy to point fingers and who doesnt want another propaganda campaign against those anti government god hating left wingers?

If you're going to blame someone, blame the kids' parents for not explaining things correctly, or at all. Sure you can get all kinds of crazy ideas from the [insert random scapegoat here] but its what you do with that information that makes a difference.

This reminds me vaguely of a film I saw in my propaganda persuasion class in college, called "Bombs will make the rainbow break" http://www.medianet.libraries.psu.edu/htbin/wwform/175?TEXT=R6988537-6991946-/CA/WWI770.HTM



It's basically about how children's mental capabilities are easily susceptable to manipulation and propaganda and the most frightening portion of this film was during an interview with a child who couldnt be more than 6 or so, talking about how he wanted to end his life because he didnt want to live in a world (after the bombs dropped) without his family.

This just gives head to the previous story, no coincidence here that movies about Wal-Mart and George W. are propagandistic as well are circulating through mainstream media. (lesser or two evils people) If you hand your baby a diaper and say hey, you know what you did now change yourself what do you think the end result will be? You can't just pretend that people will 'get it' especially considering the average American's educational reading capabilities are at an 8th grade level.

Scapegoat scapegoat scapegoat all you want, but if you want change rather than blame you need to interact and communicate. How can we co-exist with so many media options and still have a lack of communication and understanding- is there not a help button or a cute little paper clip attached to life?

Do you part- short of sterilization

http://www.vhemt.org

You might say, what is this giant V perfectly centered on the Earth? Is that some kind of new singing group based loosely on the remnants of the hand-holding of 'We are the World'? No! It is the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.

That's right kids, keep your legs closed, you johnson in your pocket, and your ovaries tied in knots. Said organization which is more of a movement as so prominently differentiated on its website, is organized (I'm guessing it's not hard to see how the origin of organized came about) to keep people from breeding.

Now don't freak out because you fear that there might be an upheaval up no-breeding-mofos and that the population will die out, this is absurd. There are just too many people already, and until we have made sure that everyone is being fed and as soon as developed countries start caring about developing countries (a term given by developed countries to third world countries to make it seem as though change is occurring) then we can start the breed machine back up again. Until then...let's just give our little bodies a rest, stop popping out things, and stop breeding.

Time to hold hands and envision a world where we are a little less crowded

Thank you for not breeding!

My BFF

This is Mister Beefy. He currently resides at www.meatmation.com

We have been friends for awhile now, Mr. Beefy and I. Sometimes we sit down and watch a few flicks on the telle and drink wine and sniff stinky cheese. Othertimes we pick his body apart, throw it in a frying pan and enjoy some good eats.*

We both enjoy long walks on the beach, picking the yellow felt remains out of his hamburger head, and breaking toys in front of random children on the street (my personal favorite)

Mister Beefy and I are taking a holiday to Hamburger Hill in the imminent future. It has been a life-long dream of his to reunite with his lost parents and his birth certificate lists Hamburger Hill as city of birth. (Please dont tell him Hamburger Hill isnt real. Im going to take him to a slaughter house so he can see what happens to his real family)

*I always make sure Mr. Beefy's contributions to satisfying my hunger are cooked well done, we do have safety to think about kids.

I heart microphones

This is the beginning of my bloggyblogness yah for the internet(s) <--not a typo.

First things first, http://loggedhours.blogspot.com/ go here and read this. I am being forced through threats of GRP attacks to direct people to said blogginess.

Secondly, I got nothing.
I'll be back later when I've recollected the master plan.