I had a little bird, her name was Enza, I opened up the window, and in flew Enza

De plague, de plague!

Somewhere in some far off distant place known as Seattle people are hanging out, conferencing, chit-chatting, putting back a few open bar coctails and discussing what to do in the event that the Avian Bird Flu spreads to the U.S. of A. and decides, 6-more weeks of PLAGUE! Result: Lots and lots of corpses with nowhere to go, thus said meeting was scheduled to discuss what to do with all the dead people.

All these comrades of the medical community, task forces, NRA members, etc. are joining forces to horde and stock-pile medical supplies, rubber gloves, face masks, guns, vagabonds, etc. in the event the flu hangs out for awhile, much like that guy with the weird smell who never leaves until 3 am.

But, for once, they have decided that the government should clue the running around aimlessly with arms flailing in the air general population, even giving a few tips on the way. i.e. why you shouldnt bury the dead bodies too close to your septic system for fear of contamination. Note: Dear axe-murderer, do not let this information limit the places you can bury you bodies, the goverment is just concerned about your general health

This suprisingly sounds vaguely reminscient of the Duct tape can save your life against everything including tornadoes, snake bites, antrax, and your average door-to-door salesman, free for all a few years back.

And don't forget the gas-mask shortage of '01 when people were buying gas masks normally used as stage props in order to fullfill their 'government made me paranoid' quota. Last I heard gas masks for animals were due to hit the runway 2008.




Do you remember these simple tips for living: Duck and cover, head between knees, room without windows, praying, duct tape plastic tubes throughout your entire house



This could be you

So, in the event that you are prepared I have included (ripped off from someones website) this illustration for steps to take in the event that there is a nuclear blast.

Step 1: Where did step 1 go?

Step 2: Get out of the area (Whoa, intense. Thank god for these directions, I would have been clueless)

Step 3: Find a buiding that your average human size is 3x the height in which you cannot even get your head through the door without ducking and where you can see out the third story window while standing in the lobby

Note about note: According to anonymous Nuclear specialists dont bother looking for out of proportion buildings if you are in a three-quarter mile radios of said blast, you will be dead- close eyes and think of bunnies (bunnies that win you shiney metal objects)


As a last note about panic situations I have included this lovely map for your quick glances:


I was quite unaware of this map. Were you? Thank you government. But rest assured, the plague apparently only resides on the West coast. So keep your California tree hugging, warm weather hogging, sisters, mothers, brother in-laws third cousin twice removed from his grave by his mother's best friends cousins dermatologist on the West coast. We (East coast) don't want to share the plague just quite yet.



Moral: Update plague chart, 1998 is so last century