"Class of 2003, Be kind to geeks, nerds and dweebs. Ten years from now, they'll be the ones with all the money!" - Screech

Holy mother of cheesy kids sitcom stars wallowing in their own death!

Screech from, do I even need to tell you where Screech is from??? Saved by the bell kiddies! SCREECH apparently is a po' mofo, he can't even afford the last two letters in poor, is selling t-shirts to save his house that he will lose because those Saved by the bell DVDs don't sell themselves these days.

His website http://getdshirts.com/get_your_dshirts.html Dshirts, standing for Dustin Diamond (perhaps a combo of his first pet and street he grew up on) are shirts that you can buy to bail that post-teenage sitcom survivor from losing the itty bitty amount of dignity that he has left. Oh wait, no, I was wrong, for $5 extra you can have his signature on the shit.

Now considering $20 for a shirt and an autograph is a steal considering shirts these days are quite the pricey pieces of sheep, i still somehow feel as though if i were to purchase said t-shirt it wouldn't be a charitable tax write-off. Can someone verify this for me???



Dear IRS,

Remember that show with all those wacky kids who went to Bayside high and who never grew up except when the show was faultering and they needed to send them off to college? Yeah, that one. Well, the classic Nerd character, Screech, managed to get his ass in a bit of a pinch, messed up his credit, and is about to lose his house, so he is trying to sell me a t-shirt to earn some cash. Does bailing out has been child stars qualify as a charitable write-off? No? What if the shirt had an autograph on it? Why are you laughing?

Sincerely,
I heart the College years

Well, on a lighter side, Dustin Diamond can take up a career in porn if his t-shirt factory fails him miserably. As interviewed on Howard Stern, Screech most likely wasn't getting any action from Kelly, Lisa, or Jessie because of his enormous *ahem* as discussed here-> http://cityrag.blogs.com/main/2006/06/the_legend_of_s.html

No wonder there arent any banal teen sex scenes, shower scenes, nerd getting clothes stolen sequences in Saved by the Bell, the whole cast would have run for the hills.

It is a sad day when the least favorite character on a sitcom that died many years previously is in a poor state. Maybe him and Stephanie Tanner (formerlly recovering from her meth addiction) can start a Brady Bunchesque variety show or even swindle their way onto a PBS telethon, Stephanie is quite familiar with these to save WAke up San Francisco.

GAH!

Moral: Don't eff your credit up!

Meanwhile, in case you just need to be forefed more info from the cast of Saved by the Bell
http://www.tv.com/tracking/viewer.html?tid=92720&ref_id=457&ref_type=101&tag=headlines;title;0

Lisa Turtle can also get on the bandwagon variety show!

ManBrows

Today was the beginning of a strange day. W. 4th is apparently full of weirdoes, maybe it’s the IFC on the corner, or the Adult novelty store right next to the subway entrance. Whatever it is, this is a day of weird.


Walking to work a guy was hightailing after me, basically walking 2 inch. behind me. I listen to music so I couldn't hear him, nor choose to hear people. I look angry for a reason. But apparently this is an invitation for weirdoes to approach.

So, he gets my attention, I pull out an 'earbud' and he politely asks me if I generally know how to use tweezers. I think, um, are you kidding? So, trying not to belittle his question I briefly explain to him how to use tweezers, I’m all for educating people. But it did not end here. He then proceeds to ramble off in a very Woody Allenesque tone about how he made a bet with his friend, how he had to tweeze his eyebrows like a woman's (pointing to mine the whole time) and that he was embarrassed to go to a salon. (This is where I think this is NY, I can't imagine a man getting his eyebrows thinned is that out of the ordinary)

Regardless, he continues spouting out his dilemma flailing hand gestures all over the place and finally gets to the point, he says "I have some tweezers on me" "Would you be willing to do it for me" "I'll pay you for your time" and this is when I smile, tell him I have to get to work and proceed to walk away. He said thanks anyway and gave me the thumbs up. What I want to know, is how someone can casually ask a random stranger to pluck their eyebrows and then to make it seem normal, offer them money. Yeah, let me think about this one, um, no. I love this city but I don’t love other people's body hair. Ew.

Moral: Men are not educated enough about metro sexuality being norm, educate them through a serious of diagrams

It is ok for men to want to expunge dirt from their faces see below:

It is also ok for men to want to keep their dark cirles to a minimum with the use of an eye mask

I Heart Bill Nye because he reminds me of a funnier Mister Wizard

There is nothing more entertaining that a Science guy for kids getting a standing ovation at 1:30 and then have half his audience walk out on him later that day.

According to the linked article "The Emmy-winning scientist angered a few audience members when he criticized literal interpretation of the biblical verse Genesis 1:16, which reads: “God made two great lights — the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.”

I don't know who Mr. Godsey is.

He pointed out that the sun, the “greater light,” is but one of countless stars and that the “lesser light” is the moon, which really is not a light at all, rather a reflector of light.
A number of audience members left the room at that point, visibly angered by what some perceived as irreverence.
“We believe in a God!” exclaimed one woman as she left the room with three young children."

I like how the woman who left said she believes in "a" God, not thee God. Seriously, what kind of religious nut is she if she can't even devote herself to practicing semantics. All good Christians know that God is THE God not A God. Very much like pro-abortion. We all do love to kill babies.

It is a sad day when people shun Bill Nye, my superhero.

Moral: Do not be upset with the science guy, he is just being honest

Update: People still selling religious crap on eBay

You too can own your very own religiously affiliated, blessed by god, full of the blood of jesus, marked by the 666 beast, seashell.

Things you can do with said seashell:

1. Recite after me: She sells seashells by the seashore

2. Put seashell up to ear and listen

3. Throw seashell on ground after realizing there was a crab inside who is now gnawing on your ear

4. Caress the seashell much like the way Lenny carressed the mouse

5. Paint really gawdy zodiac signs on said seashell and sell by the seashore to tourists who visit shore every year

6. Sell seashell on eBay as having remarkable resemblance to religious character(s) of your choice

When are people going to realize that eBay is not their religious bidding ground.

Go outside, get some wood, carve baby jesus into it and then sell it on the side of the road out of a make-shift shanty, that leans in one direction and is rickety in the wind. Also, a very long, gray, matted beard is required for this, shakey hands and shifty eyes are optional.

Lets keep eBay clean of religious affiliation.

More paraphenilia found on eBay to satisfy your inner jesus desires to religiously consume.

Talking Jesus, press his heart (which ironically is on his wrist) and he says 12 different phrases. You can also own your very own Moses, with two tablets strapped to his hands. Let's see what amendment will rip those suckers down.

and and and, it doesnt get any better unless you have one of these inspiration items that you can use in the event that evil plunges you in the deep pits of darkness.....

Mine too, lordja, lordja! Can I get an estimate on how many amps jesus uses? Is it going to spike my electricity bills, if you express the same concerns, please, use only a little bit of Jesus light, he can be very expensive at times. Especially when CON ED HAS A MONOPOLY OVER THE CITY!

How many diseases does the W. 4th Platform have???

As I was meandering to work today at the W. 4th station, the station I always get off to go to work, I took an alternative route up the escalator on the uptown side instead of the stairs on the Downtown side.

This was my lucky day...Not only were there crowds and crowds of people but next to the Hudson newsesque stand was a man being arrested. So what you say, this is NY, people get arrested all the time.

What with it being morning and all I was sure to see some crack- i.e. the crack of early light, the cracks in the sidewalk, the cracks in the ceiling of the station, but one crack I was not interested in nor anticipated seeing was the crack of the half-nude man getting arrested. This was a crack that even Whitney Houston would call whack. The poor man was slammed on the ground with his ass hanging out and his privates smashed on the platform, bearing it all for everyone to see.

Of course, I needed to get around this debacle, but the other side was blocked with on-lookers, so i sucked it up and walked within 1 foot of the bare ass staring at me from the station floor. Everyone around was so calm, just checking out this naked man's ass as the police cuffed him for reasons unbenownst to me. I just continued walking, grinned a little, and said shit, NY sure is entertaining.

Then I started thinking, that poor man may contract a few diseases, more than the usual he most likely already had. But would the police pay for his doctor visit after the crabs started building their home in his pubic hair? Would they help him salve his wounds? Does NY not care about the filthy station ground they slammed his manhood into???

What is the world coming to when there aren't toilet seat like covers being placed on the ground in police arrests? We need to have some general concern about our criminals private areas, after all, they too just want some babies in this overpopulated world. VHEMT!

So I tried to find a picture of a naked man in the subway, but suprisingly they are tough to find. So i then tried to look for anything about the filth in the subway and just came across this nifty little site

http://www.filthymess.com/

And you can enjoy NY's filth for yourself. No, Divine will not be on this list either, sorry.

Moral: Wear a cod piece, that way your genitals won't ever touch the subway floor.

Evey is on the prowl

Today I rode the Manhattan bound R train in Brooklyn like any other day. The standard smelly old man half asleep on the seat next to me and the overly obese woman shoving powdered donuts down her pie hole, accompanied me on my way.

What was prominent, however, was the well dressed woman scribbling writing on the light that is overhead the train door.

Usually people wait to graffiti at wee hours in the morning so they can get their gang tag on without interference or some obscure reference that the rest of the world probably won't get. There is the notorious 'Neck Face' tag that I see over the Manhattan bridge on the Brooklyn side and the Obey Giant stickers that are plastered all over the place to show Shepard Fairy's commingling with New Yorkers.

What was not standard was what she was writing. It wasn't a tag or her name, or Bobby hearts Jane but information about a governmental project.

Was this a whistleblower in my presence? Had she seen V for Vendetta or Thank you for Not Smoking?

Let me just spill the beans here. This is what she wrote:



Project Monarch
The raping of women and children under the pretence of mind controlling experimentation

Your children being implanted into pre-K classrooms

radiation/microwave
gang stalking for those who don't agree

So...I did some scouting around the Internet and found this

http://www.outpost-of-freedom.com/operatio.htm

Even though it may be a biased piece it still doesn't mean it isn't something we need to be conscious of

http://www.mindcontrolforums.com/hambone/monarch2.html

This one is a bit radical but you be the judge


The government is being naughty again.

Send the Amish to New Orleans

As a recovering Pennsylvania resident I am quite familiar with the raising of roofs done by the Amish and Menonite communities. Yes, you're thinking, PA is only made up of two cities on each side and a vast vast wasteland in between, well, you're semi correct but also very naive. I do, however, feel as though you could drop PA below the Mason-Dixon line and the adjustments would be minimal. The sheer difference though, is that while many New Yorkers believe that people outside of NY are all hicks, this is not the case. People choose to be hicks, I did not choose to be a hick.

Regardless, the Amish and Menonites make awesome ass pies and they have a shitload of organically grown produce that would rock Whole Foods any day. Suck that! Not the point.

The point is, the fact that all these people just dropped what they were doing and migrated to this house that was just hit by a hurricane, rebuilt it, and were done within less than a day is effin amazing. Does this not give head to the fact that perhaps antiquated lifestyles are still flourishing with strong-knit communities? And im not talking about the communities you see on Extreme Makeover Home Edition, because, let's be honest, they may just be paid extras.

Job Description: Extra on Makeover show
Part: Happy neighbors in small town looking to make unknown families lives better
Requirements: Must wear ugly blue or red shirt with show logo on it, must be able to jump up and down and scream "Move that Bus" on command, and last but not least, must be able to pretend as though you really do care about someone getting an enormous house and that you are going to return home to your hole in the wall, rat infested, heap of living quarters.

Additional note: You must be ok with crying

Here is my advice: Round up all the Amish people, send them to New Orleans, throw in some bowling, a kid witnessing a murder, a fat actress and a recovering coke addict who incessentaly plays santa-tranformation movies, and Ty smith and voilà! You have a newly built city and everyone wins because houses are built and the boundaries between Amish and non-Amish will be broken and Hollywood will no longer make shitty movies about their culture that is completely irrelevant and most likely more innacurate than kids shooting their friends after they smoked a joint.

Can you guess how many pop culture references were made? Who cares.

Moral: Electricity and automobiles are so overrated

Shari Lewis back from the dead

This just in: The Ether is smeared across the Wool!



As seen here

the N. Carolina robber was so devestated by the absense of Lamb Chops since the demise of Shari Lewis that he could not bare the pain bellowing deep within his underbelly, so he robbed a bank with socks on his hands commemorating the good-spirited lamb, formally known as an ewe.

What this further reminds me is the names of sidekicks in children's programming and how uncreative the people producing the characters are

Example: Lamb Chops Play-A-Long: Charlie Horse and Hush Puppy

You might as well be saying violin strings, glue, and shoes.

Muppets: Miss Piggy, Kermit the frog, Fozzie Bear, and Rowlf this is so far-fetched they had to conceal the direct name-to-species correlation by evening things out with , Gonzo (could this be in reference to Hunter S. Thompson?), Animal (gee this is a hard connection) and Scooter.

Then are more humorous names that seem to be linked to historical icons (in no way relative to actual historical figures)

Srgt. Floyd Pepper, Guy Smiley, and Dr. Teeth whom i believe is an homage to Dr. Hook (get your eye patches ready kids)

And lest we forget....the singing donut aka DONUT MAN who apparently has no qualms about revealing to kids that he really is a real person and not just a hand up a puppets ass.

These are all just examples of life imitating art, of course pigs are in love with frogs, Sheep can sing, and donuts can teach you lessons about God. Long live the king!

ANd just in case you are jonesin for some muppet love yourself you can pick up these:

And because i just heart Bruce Campbell, and if youre on a action figure buying spree get this:

Frequent Flyer miles have new meaning

It is a sad day when the country is in debt from credit cards. It is an even sadder day when the country is in debt from credit cards but have the most fabulous pair of breasts.

You too can get your very own free boob job just by signing up for the credit card- Plastic Assets.

"Hey mom, I've just graduated High School, I'm ready to take on the world, now all I need is to establish some credit to get me on my way and some killer boobs to make bargaining easier."

And and and, for every friend you refer you get FREE LIP INJECTIONS. Holy shit, life cant be this great. Now you can lusciously invite all your investors over to check our your credit card rewards. Pissing your parents money away couldn't be any easier.

Please find the card that is most applicable to you:
(as indicated by the website:)

The application includes questions such as what is your current cup size as well as desired cup size and then asks you to categorize your breast shape from the following options:
Round, Teardrop, or Crescent

What the hell is a crescent boob? One that is only partially on in the shape of the moon???? Those are some sad looking boobs.

You can earn 'FeelGoodPoint' instead of turning in your 1 point for everyone $1000 you spend on crappy plastic things that should make you feel special inside you can with the Plastic Assets card redeem surgeries, neverending fun for everyone! AND YOU CAN EARN REWARDS FOR KEEPING YOUR GPA UP! Crack open those books, you're on your way to a new nose, some lipo, and an extra set of breast, just in case your first set falls off or turns into crescent moons.

Testimonial:

Every father knows his daughter well enough to know she needs PLASTIC ASSETS!

Don't just sit there get your plastic assets now and you're on your way to elevated success on and off the street. (whatever you want it to mean)

Plastic Assets: Your new implants may/may not contain shards of unused plastic assets cards- be one with your credit!

So the rat tail wasn't the worst thing some kid could do

Let me just check over a few things....This is the OT years, we are no longer trapped in the 80s/early 90s which was just the hung over eighties throwing up, right? Ok. So why the hell are kids still shaving hideous things in their heads?

I honestly do not care for this return to the 80s. It was a sad time for fashion and trends and everything in between. Who knew that buying every color spandex possibly ever made and destroying the ozone layer with multiple cans of aerosol hairspray could relive themselves.

I understand a few years the crappy 16-25yr old generation(s) decided shit, our childhood was that good we should relive it, even though we just grew out of it. Care Bears shirts were floating all over the place, Full house made a comeback. But there were some downsides:

1. Ravers
2. Step by step returning
3. a whole new generation of kids sadly being introduced to Urkel

Now...in '06 mods and emo kids aren't to blame but its the hipsters that are ruining it for the rest of us. Leggings, spandex, hi-tops, roos, and now....shapes shaved in haircuts.

I don't care the kid was suspended from school, in fact, they should isolate any kid that thinks its trendy to shave anything in their hair.

Lets reminisce:

Did Rob Van Winkle teach us nothing? And according to the artist formally known as know one gives a shit.. he only did it to support his family. Did the record execs put the razor to your head instead of the gun???


Not to mention this jackass who then again recently revived the cut.



This guy just deserves to be shot.. I thought shaving shapes in your skull was bad enough but he had the gull to go ahead and make a shape, not to mention a pansy heart, into his under the chin hair- it is a sad day when you're that bored.



There are more pictures out there of crappy haircuts but we all remember them...Let's keep them in the past not in the present or future. The 80s are slowly creeping back in mainstream anyway, do we need another repeat of 'The Fisher King' to remind us?










And cause I know you just can't pass an accident without rubber necking it I've included this precious picture for your viewing (dis)pleasure.




Just remember: You can call yourself a victim but you reveled in it for so long!





Moral: beat up any kid you see on the street with any of the above haircuts

LISTEN UP MOFOS

My dear friend Zoë is having a gallery show on March 7th go there or bad things will happen.
You can visit her website from the title link or by going to www.balloonmanproductions.com It will totally we worth your while.

Moral: Support your local artist

I had a little bird, her name was Enza, I opened up the window, and in flew Enza

De plague, de plague!

Somewhere in some far off distant place known as Seattle people are hanging out, conferencing, chit-chatting, putting back a few open bar coctails and discussing what to do in the event that the Avian Bird Flu spreads to the U.S. of A. and decides, 6-more weeks of PLAGUE! Result: Lots and lots of corpses with nowhere to go, thus said meeting was scheduled to discuss what to do with all the dead people.

All these comrades of the medical community, task forces, NRA members, etc. are joining forces to horde and stock-pile medical supplies, rubber gloves, face masks, guns, vagabonds, etc. in the event the flu hangs out for awhile, much like that guy with the weird smell who never leaves until 3 am.

But, for once, they have decided that the government should clue the running around aimlessly with arms flailing in the air general population, even giving a few tips on the way. i.e. why you shouldnt bury the dead bodies too close to your septic system for fear of contamination. Note: Dear axe-murderer, do not let this information limit the places you can bury you bodies, the goverment is just concerned about your general health

This suprisingly sounds vaguely reminscient of the Duct tape can save your life against everything including tornadoes, snake bites, antrax, and your average door-to-door salesman, free for all a few years back.

And don't forget the gas-mask shortage of '01 when people were buying gas masks normally used as stage props in order to fullfill their 'government made me paranoid' quota. Last I heard gas masks for animals were due to hit the runway 2008.




Do you remember these simple tips for living: Duck and cover, head between knees, room without windows, praying, duct tape plastic tubes throughout your entire house



This could be you

So, in the event that you are prepared I have included (ripped off from someones website) this illustration for steps to take in the event that there is a nuclear blast.

Step 1: Where did step 1 go?

Step 2: Get out of the area (Whoa, intense. Thank god for these directions, I would have been clueless)

Step 3: Find a buiding that your average human size is 3x the height in which you cannot even get your head through the door without ducking and where you can see out the third story window while standing in the lobby

Note about note: According to anonymous Nuclear specialists dont bother looking for out of proportion buildings if you are in a three-quarter mile radios of said blast, you will be dead- close eyes and think of bunnies (bunnies that win you shiney metal objects)


As a last note about panic situations I have included this lovely map for your quick glances:


I was quite unaware of this map. Were you? Thank you government. But rest assured, the plague apparently only resides on the West coast. So keep your California tree hugging, warm weather hogging, sisters, mothers, brother in-laws third cousin twice removed from his grave by his mother's best friends cousins dermatologist on the West coast. We (East coast) don't want to share the plague just quite yet.



Moral: Update plague chart, 1998 is so last century

Who remembers Billy's funeral? I DO I DO!

New picture taking cell phone thing-a-ma-gig strikes trend in Japan to take pictures of DEAD PEOPLE! You think: a) bizarre b) creepy c) sentimental or d) did they just breathe?


http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/newsArticle.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=2006-02-16T094721Z_01_T50246_RTRIDST_0_OUKOE-UK-JAPAN-FUNERAL.XML&archived=False



More Funs things to do at funerals/graveyards/etc.

If you are not familiar with Spanish customs regarding dead relatives then you are missing out on the celebration of El Dia De Los Muertos, translated: The day of the dead, better known to uncultured Americans as November 2nd. On El Dia de los Muertos relatives of the dead venture to the gravesite of their elders and pay homage to them by singing them songs, cooking them their favorite foods, creating a shrine of their favorite things and just talking to them as seen here:



You can also make skulls out of sugar and make little skeletons that pop out of cardboard caskets- LOADS OF FUN!

Apparently not everyone got the "Note: Food bought off the internet is not recommended for eating"

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/story?id=1619126&page=1

I understand that wherever there is a loophole people are going to exploit it. I understand the countless books about getting rich quick, and easy ways to earn a buck, are selling, somewhere. People are crafty, but sad. This just proves how sad they really are.

The government issued 'TV dinner style' food for Katrina victims has been found for auction on my friend, eBay's website. Who in their right mind thinks that selling food on eBay is a good idea, let alone rations for victims of a hurricane?

Dear Americans, you endlessly disappoint and surprise me with your pathetic ways of trying to stick it to the man and put some cash in your pockets.
Love, apathy.

We must not forget the ambitious souls bidding on said auctions, have their membranes been degraded to mush as well? Can you not walk on down to your local stop & shop to get yourself a considerably cheaper, less mold infested, Tv dinner, or is it the government's stamp of approval or select choice of corn, potatoes, chicken, and cranberry sauce so reminiscent of Thanksgiving that you are salivating all over your computer screen at the shrink wrapped photo?

But the sand is the hourglass has not depleted yet....the plot thickens. Military personnel are selling the rations as well. Holy crap, the man who works for the man is exploiting the man- can this be qualified as a pseudo tribute to Marx's bourgeoisie? No. Nice try, but the communist manifesto does not include the likes of eBay in it's ploy to overthrow the oppressive government. Lenin, you can return to your grave, dissapointed.

Moral: Do not buy food off eBay, no matter how lip-smackin delicious it seems to be, you better Bo-lieve it.

Subsection moral: Oh and don't sell food meant for Katrina victims- tisk, tisk.

Someone get me a stick of butter and some cooking lessons

Once again, eBay, my beloved savior, has not let me down. Or more accurately, the ambitious entrepreneurs trying to sell their crap on eBay haven't.

Pancake crap

Much like my previous post about religious food now someone is claiming good ole Beezlebub is hanging out in their badly executed poor excuse for what looks like a pancake beaten with a spatula by Baby Sinclair reciting "not the mama' over and over again. (breathe)

Said pancake also received a "Note: Food bought off the internet is not recommended for eating" Gee, I was a little confused as to whether it was suitable to ingest Satan or just a crummy pancake in the first place OFF THE INTERNET, but now, thanks to informative eBay lister I can once again peruse eBay knowing what I can and cannot consume.

Where is GoldenPalace.com to up the bid from $21.00 to $5MM?
Maybe even casinos that pay people for headvertising (look it up slacker) have standards- or they might just be in the dark; shivering and ripping their hair out from all the money they pissed away on useless crap that the janitor mistakenly ate (He apparently was not privy to the aforementioned foods on eBay consumption note). Where is the liberal media when we need them.


Lesson: If you have marketing skills use them for something of value, not this poor excuse for religious tripe.

This just in...Columbus just pseudonym for lots of people i.e. Shakespeare

Extra! Extra!


What is this thing we call Earth? How much can we really trust that we are in fact, circling the sun? Why can't the sun revolve around the Earth? It's always about Earth. Earth, Earth, Earth (earth is the new jan brady)

Regardless of Earth's superego maybe you too can earn quick cash, easy money, free free free. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! (No this does not involve any Monster trucks)

It appears as though some wacky religious group, which one you say, does it matter? has decided that they will hand over $1K to anyone who can truly prove the earth does indeed revolve around the sun.

Much like pre-earth-is- round days,
we were all a bit skeptical. How the bloody hell is someone supposed to prove to these people that the Earth does what we say it does? How can we be really sure that the earth's rotation around the sun wasn't simply a theatrical performance held at Area 51? Who are these scientists anyway? Big question here ---> What else should they be questioning about their beliefs????? (no brainer)


Who is this guy ^ and is that a
velvet painting?


Lesson: Time flies when you're sailing off a flat earth

Applying this theory to children wins you the biggest prize

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/07022006/356/proud-owner-saves-giant-rabbit-pot.html

Premise outline:

I.Man breeds bunny

a. his credit continues as he places a male and female together to mate (interesting breeding technique)

II. Bunny wins show(?)

III.Man gets shiney metal

IV. Puts shiney metal on bunny

V. Takes shiney metal off bunny and realizes he deserves it more

VI. Man looks at bunny and says mmm tastey plump morsel

a. ::man salivates::

VII. Man is so freaking thrilled that bunny won him shiney metal object he decides that he should not eat his shiney metal object winning bunny

VIII. Man spares bunny from pot, lets bunny bask in the glory of the shiney metal object

Lesson: Insert the word [child] whereever bunny is and only spare them if they win shiney metal objects

Moral: Kids who dont win should be eaten

For further information please consult: 'A Modest Proposal'-Jonathan Swift

Could eBay have intervened?

http://www.couriermail.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5936,18004968%255E1702,00.html

Hola,

So...hear any good cult stories recently? It was about due; especially with all those re-runs of 'The Craft' on TV. Do you think they did the cast justice in dubbing their voices in Italian? <--Not the point -->The point: Perhaps if such and such thought the lady with the face was "the" virgin mary, he would have had better luck selling her on eBay

or offering a suggested retail price to Goldenpalace.com (whom apparently has nothing better to do than brand itself the casino based Jesus paraphernalia blow you life savings and get a crummy t-shirt one stop shopping Hubble.)

Next time kids, try not to make your messes so gruesome, follow in the footsteps of Jim Jones: take your cult members to another country, dump them in the woods, make a socialist community (that the government ultimately fears), and get yourself some vats of flavor-aid (not kool-aid) laced with cyanide and that is how you have a ritual sacrifice. Jeez, didn't you ever have "history will repeat itself"
hammered in your head as a child? Oh wait, you were using the hammer for something else-gotcha.


Lesson: eBay can solve anything

What the crap

http://rollcall.com/issues/1_1/breakingnews/12015-1.html

Ok, seriously, what part of 'there is something wrong with our government' does this article not infer.

Ha ha, lets have a replay, maybe this time we won't have the janitorial staff pretend to be members of the House right.

God bless the U.S. of Asinine

Its time for the BLAME GAME!

So, this kid wrote an essay about his 'Perfect Day'. How novice, you think. Wrong. His perfect day includes killing Oprah and George W. as well as harming Wal-mart and Coca-cola conglomerates and a Walgreens pharmacy (presumably so that the former hurt individuals cannot get their live saving prescription drugs filled).

http://www.boston.com/news/local/rhode_island/articles/2006/02/02/secret_service_investigates_violent_essay_by_seventh_grader/

Interestingly enough I am very eager to find out how mediacised (if this is not a word it is now) this becomes. Especially considering it would be all too easy to point fingers and who doesnt want another propaganda campaign against those anti government god hating left wingers?

If you're going to blame someone, blame the kids' parents for not explaining things correctly, or at all. Sure you can get all kinds of crazy ideas from the [insert random scapegoat here] but its what you do with that information that makes a difference.

This reminds me vaguely of a film I saw in my propaganda persuasion class in college, called "Bombs will make the rainbow break" http://www.medianet.libraries.psu.edu/htbin/wwform/175?TEXT=R6988537-6991946-/CA/WWI770.HTM



It's basically about how children's mental capabilities are easily susceptable to manipulation and propaganda and the most frightening portion of this film was during an interview with a child who couldnt be more than 6 or so, talking about how he wanted to end his life because he didnt want to live in a world (after the bombs dropped) without his family.

This just gives head to the previous story, no coincidence here that movies about Wal-Mart and George W. are propagandistic as well are circulating through mainstream media. (lesser or two evils people) If you hand your baby a diaper and say hey, you know what you did now change yourself what do you think the end result will be? You can't just pretend that people will 'get it' especially considering the average American's educational reading capabilities are at an 8th grade level.

Scapegoat scapegoat scapegoat all you want, but if you want change rather than blame you need to interact and communicate. How can we co-exist with so many media options and still have a lack of communication and understanding- is there not a help button or a cute little paper clip attached to life?

Do you part- short of sterilization

http://www.vhemt.org

You might say, what is this giant V perfectly centered on the Earth? Is that some kind of new singing group based loosely on the remnants of the hand-holding of 'We are the World'? No! It is the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.

That's right kids, keep your legs closed, you johnson in your pocket, and your ovaries tied in knots. Said organization which is more of a movement as so prominently differentiated on its website, is organized (I'm guessing it's not hard to see how the origin of organized came about) to keep people from breeding.

Now don't freak out because you fear that there might be an upheaval up no-breeding-mofos and that the population will die out, this is absurd. There are just too many people already, and until we have made sure that everyone is being fed and as soon as developed countries start caring about developing countries (a term given by developed countries to third world countries to make it seem as though change is occurring) then we can start the breed machine back up again. Until then...let's just give our little bodies a rest, stop popping out things, and stop breeding.

Time to hold hands and envision a world where we are a little less crowded

Thank you for not breeding!

My BFF

This is Mister Beefy. He currently resides at www.meatmation.com

We have been friends for awhile now, Mr. Beefy and I. Sometimes we sit down and watch a few flicks on the telle and drink wine and sniff stinky cheese. Othertimes we pick his body apart, throw it in a frying pan and enjoy some good eats.*

We both enjoy long walks on the beach, picking the yellow felt remains out of his hamburger head, and breaking toys in front of random children on the street (my personal favorite)

Mister Beefy and I are taking a holiday to Hamburger Hill in the imminent future. It has been a life-long dream of his to reunite with his lost parents and his birth certificate lists Hamburger Hill as city of birth. (Please dont tell him Hamburger Hill isnt real. Im going to take him to a slaughter house so he can see what happens to his real family)

*I always make sure Mr. Beefy's contributions to satisfying my hunger are cooked well done, we do have safety to think about kids.

I heart microphones

This is the beginning of my bloggyblogness yah for the internet(s) <--not a typo.

First things first, http://loggedhours.blogspot.com/ go here and read this. I am being forced through threats of GRP attacks to direct people to said blogginess.

Secondly, I got nothing.
I'll be back later when I've recollected the master plan.